A Decison to Regret
by Rhiane Raine
Summary: Albus ponders whether or not to actually leave Harry with the Dursley's that fateful night.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter.

**A Decision To Regret**

By Rhiane Raine  
  
Not for the first time, Albus Dumbledore stood at a crossroads. A life's decision was about to be made, but not for his own life. No. The choice that he had to make was concerning the innocent child, bundled securely in his arms. The fate of the raven-haired babe had fallen into Albus's awaiting and able hands. The judgment to be made was going to be very onerous for Albus Dumbledore, to say the least.  
  
Albus shifted the baby boy's blankets around so that they covered his tiny feet. One-year-old and having lost his parents that very night before, Harry Potter opened his emerald green eyes slightly at the old man who was holding him. Through the sudden wave of emotions and tears, Albus smiled softly at him. Silver drops trickled gracefully down his wrinkled cheek and splashed onto a long beard that matched the tears in color. The infant called Harry squeezed his eyes tightly shut and nodded off to sleep again. He, obviously, did not know of the dilemma that had consumed Albus Dumbledore.  
  
A large weight settled in the pit of his constricted stomach and an iron fist surrounded the heart in his chest; threatening to crush it. Never before had the old man been affected this way. He had faced many life and death situations, he'd lost loved one's numerous times before. Why was this so difficult?  
  
The first time he had laid eyes on Harry, he had felt intoxicated and immensely overwhelmed with the love he felt for the child. Yet now he could almost see himself bleeding to death with the pain, knowing that no matter what he chose, Harry would always suffer from the pain of his past.  
  
There were two choices, as far as Albus saw it. Neither one would work out the way he wanted it to, but they were his only workable options. He could either keep Harry to live with himself, or place him with his only living relatives; Vernon and Petunia Dursley.  
  
The latter is the decision Albus was trying to force himself to agree on. He had chosen it immediately after the news of the child's parents had reached his ears. Of course, he had not taken into account that it would be harder not to change his mind when the boy was present. How could he have ever considered leaving this green eyed beauty with those horrible people, of whom would not love him?  
  
The choice that appealed to Albus was the prospect of raising the boy himself. That would certainly ensure two people's happiness, he was sure of it. Albus may have been an old wizard but he still knew how to love someone enough to take care of them. But no, that could not work for Albus knew very well that Harry would be the safest at his aunts and uncles where the blood of his mother resided.  
  
Albus glanced down at the sleeping child. He was so young, so puerile! His life was going to be a very tough one. Albus wasn't the only wizard to carry a poignant burden for the wizarding world. Perhaps Harry could find it in himself to forgive him for the childhood he had chosen for him. Surely, he would understand, in due time, that this was the way it had to be to ensure the lives of the world. Albus sighed loudly, as if he were hoping to rid himself of the atrociously guilty feelings that were growing inside him. He instantly regretted his actions. The little boy stirred as Albus held his breath. Thankfully he remained sleeping. It would be a shame for him to wake up crying midst of the night without his mother or father, announcing his unwelcome arrival to his crude relatives.  
  
The older man continued walking to the doorstep, child in tow. If he held the child any longer he would contemplate himself into changing his mind. Laying the bundle that contained the year old boy down carefully; Albus Dumbledore reached into the pocket of his robes and retrieved a large yellow parchment with the words, Mr. and Mrs. Vernon Dursley. Another tear rolled down the cheek of his face as he placed the letter next to the infant on the doorstep. Albus stared at the child who had already accomplished something that wizards his own age were still trying to handle. This boy was meant for great things, yes, but all Albus wanted was for him to be a normal boy who had a chance at a living a happy life rather than one full of pain and sorrow, for he would certainly face them soon. The most the old man could do was promise to explain it all to him soon and hope that he would be forgiving and understanding of his decision. Placing a kiss upon the young boy's forehead, and a whispered "Goodbye," Albus Dumbledore smiled at the child one last time before turning to leave. He forced himself not to go back and sweep the infant into his embrace and prance back to his castle. The further down the road he walked the more tears fell. The decision should not have been that hard to make. Had he not chose to leave him with his aunt and uncle, the world would stand no chance, and Harry was a part of the world. Yes, this way the world would most likely survive, but Harry would be, for lack of better words, unhappy. It wasn't fair that he had to suffer and why did Albus have to be the one to leave him somewhere that he was clearly unwanted? Albus shook these thoughts from his head. There was no regretting it now. He would have to live with the consequences of his decision as would Harry.  
  
As Albus arrived home, an epiphany formed out of the many puzzled thoughts and questions in his mind. There were no right decisions. There were some that are more right than others, in the view of one's own opinion, but the decision that needed to be chosen was and would always be the hardest one.


End file.
